Monthly Archives: October 2016

JENNIFER, I LOVE YOU.

“Today will be different.” , Jake said to himself as he stood  in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection.

Jake was all okay, happy and a bright young boy until the tenth grade. After that something just wasn’t right. His behavior changed. Jake wasn’t all smiles anymore. He used to lock himself up in his room for days together. Food wasn’t his first love anymore, especially after being diagnosed with an eating disorder. Diana couldn’t understand what was going wrong  with her son. She took him for short weekend trips to cheer him up, tried to confront him about his problems, she also made Jake join a self-help group thinking that maybe he’d be able to open up and address his problems with people his own age. But nothing worked. All of Diana’s attempts were fruitless. Until one night when it all came to light. She now knew what was troubling her son so much.

“No! I am not going to hide anymore. I won’t take this anymore. I am what I am and I won’t change even an inch of it. Let them make fun of me as much as they want. Today I will go up to Shane and tell him to stop what he has been doing. He can’t do this to me. It’s enough now. Today I must speak up or else I might do ‘it’ again.” , Jake said to himself as he got ready for school.

Jake had a  brief  history of clinical depression. He had cut himself many times. His trips to the hospital for the failed suicide attempts had been too much for Diana. That day she made him sit in front of her and asked him to tell her what was going on. Jake told her how he was being bullied at school.  A group of boys abused him at school. They also created several memes and videos about him and got them to go viral on various social media sites. And all of this just because he was different. Because he conducted himself differently than others.

” Mummy does so much for me. She’s also been through a lot. She has helped me change two schools and we have already moved twice since Papa died. I can’t burden her  like this anymore. I must be strong. I can do this. I can. Today will be different.”, Jake spoke with a voice filled with courage and strength but his eyes spoke of a different emotion altogether. He fell to the floor with tears flooding his eyes. He couldn’t stop the memories of his father from rushing into his brain. He missed him a lot. It had just been six months since he had lost his father to a tragic accident.

“Jake, honey, are you ready? You’ll be late. Jake? Are you even listening to me? Jake? Common, hurry up already.”, Diana said as she climbed up the stairs to Jake’s room hastily. When she saw Jake on the floor, she couldn’t help crying. She ran to embrace him in her arms.

“Jake, I know how difficult it has been for you. You’ve gone through a lot. But don’t worry. I have all the paperwork done. Today will be your last day at this school. Tomorrow we’ll be moving out of this town. I am sure that you’ll like the new place. I have taken care of everything. We will begin with the medical procedures and the surgery as soon as you feel ready. Honey, please don’t cry. I can’t see you like this. I want you to know that you are not alone in this. I am there for you. I don’t care what the world says. I want you to know that your Mummy is here for you and that we’ll fight all of this together. I love you Jake. I love you so much.” , having said that Diana hugged him even tighter than before.

Jake faced his mother and wiping her tears began speaking to her politely while looking into her eyes, “Mummy, it’s not Jake, remember? We talked about this that night. It’s Jennifer. I’m Jennifer, Ma. Jennifer.”

“Oh, yes. Jennifer. I’m sorry. Jennifer, I love you.”

 

If we all learn to accept people for who they are then I believe that for each of those people, there will be a ‘today’ that will be different. Transgender, homosexual or bisexual, they’re still humans. Humans who deserve love, respect and most of all, acceptance.

#lgbt #love

lgbt

“GENDER PREFERANCE DOESN’T DEFINE YOU, YOUR SPIRIT DOES.”

                                                                                                                              – P.C.CAST

 

 

Advertisements

FOREVER

                           “I love you, I always will. You’ll always be my forever.”

Aashu is my definition of true love. You know how they talk about love at first sight, well, I fell  for Aashu the day I first saw  him. At the tender age of seventeen, I came to realize and believe that true love exists and it isn’t some romance novel cliché described by hopeless romantics. With Aashu things were always simple. It was as if the word ‘complicated’ wasn’t a part of his life. You’ll ask me what I loved the most about him, well, I loved everything about him. His ‘ not a single fuck given’ attitude, his stupidity, how his lips curved up in a smile when he saw me; I loved all of him. But I was too scared to tell him that. What if our friendship, this special bond that we had, got shattered? What if he decided to not to talk to me ever again? No, I couldn’t risk our friendship over my silly feelings. And I never told him how I felt for him.

After high school ended, we were at the crossroads in our lives. He decided to go to America and I stayed back in India. Time flew soon. It was the 2nd of October, I was anxiously  waiting at the airport for him. I had tried to look my best that day. I looked quite different from my high school days. Now I didn’t have short boyish hair. Instead I had long brown hair that framed my face, petite body and a Brazilian model like complexion. I almost yelled “Aashu” out of excitement and nervousness both but what I saw next broke my heart into a million pieces. A girl was walking with him, clutching him tightly, as if she was sending the message of “He’s mine” to all the other girls that were staring at him. Every two to three seconds she looked at her ring finger with sparkly eyes and planted a kiss on his cheeks. What could’ve I done? We exchange pleasantries and promised to see each other again as an excuse to get to know all that was going on in our lives.

One night, Aashu called me up and before I could even ask him what had happened, he began sobbing uncontrollably over the phone, I panicked. Just within a few minutes I came to know that she had left him for some millionaire of the West. That day we talked for two long hours and in the end he did feel a bit better. I had this strong urge overpowering me, I wanted to scream my lungs out and tell him that, “Aashu, I love you! Please be mine forever!” but I just couldn’t tell him. Life went on. Aashu remarried. He did called me up to invite me for his wedding reception but I denied giving an excuse. How could I possibly go to his wedding reception? I couldn’t muster up the courage to watch the guy I love get married to someone else, again. That was the last time I heard from him. I had almost forgotten about Aashu until this morning when a strange  looking letter arrived at my place.

With trembling fingers and teary eyed, Aashima opened the letter and began reading it.

” Dear Aashima,

God dammit!!! I love you!! I don’t know how should I say this to you. I am just too scared to lose you as a friend. I had fallen for you the day I first saw you but didn’t have the courage to say it. But I really , really love you Aashima!! I love you, I always will. You’ll always be my forever Aashima.

Love, Aashu”

With this a seventy -eight year old widow, Aashima began weeping hysterically. Couldn’t speak a word more at the eulogy of the only guy she had loved the most in her life. Everyone at the church was overwhelmed with emotions and broke into tears.

In the end, I guess we all regret the chances that we never took.